Literal
by Impossible Oswin
Summary: Our favorite trio winds up on a planet that takes the things around here just a bit too literally. A cracky oneshot.


**I don't even own a clever disclaimer.**

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"Where are we, then, Doctor?"

Amy and Rory stared up into the dark, blue-ish-purple-ish sky, squinting as they made their bearings on the planet.

The Doctor glanced around. "I'm not exactly sure, Pond. A bit strange of the T.A.R.D.I.S., going off on us like that. Something wants us here. Let's have a look around."

"Hold on," Rory muttered. He bent over and picked something up. "What's this?"

He held up what appeared to be a small ball of cotton. "It's really quite soft."

The three looked around. It was everywhere. A strange sort of rain began as more of the cloud-like substance fell from the sky.

Amy frowned. "What on... What is it, Doctor?"

"It's... Well… Hm..." The Doctor picked one up, examining it. "It's fluff."

"Fluff?"

"Yes, fluff. It's... It's everywhere." He whipped around, batting at the falling things. His hand swung into Amy and she fell forward, knocking Rory onto the ground.

"Oof," the startled man muttered, looking up at the wife that lay on top of him. Then he chuckled.

Amy giggled good-naturedly back down at him.

The Doctor stood on awkwardly.

"Well then!" He shouted, clapping his hands and starting them out of their couple-y trance. "Let's do some exploring."

They trotted along for awhile before reaching a forest. It was silent.

"A bit creepy, a forest without any animals, no?" Amy frowned at a tree.

Each of the trees surrounding the trio (haha, _tree-o_) were covered in long, thin marks. Rory rubbed one with his thumb, concerned. "What's happened to them? Looks like they've been..."

"...slashed through," the Doctor finished, peering closely at Rory's tree before sonic-ing one with a curious look.

"Yeah, there's all these slash marks everywhere. Are you sure it's safe here, Doc-" Amy turned to see the Doctor, pinned up against the tree by her husband. They were staring deeply into each other's eyes.

She tapped him on the shoulder. "Uh, husband? Just a reminder that your wife's standing right here." Pause. "Not that I've really got a huge problem with this."

"I... _WHA...?!_" Rory and the Doctor sprung away from each other with a small shout, looking absolutely mortified.

"I... Amy... I didn't... He's all yours!" The Doctor spluttered, shoving a confused Rory towards the redhead.

"Yeah... Why don't we just move on..." Amy laughed at the men. "Come on."

They continued to walk, each of them intensely ignoring the past few events. Soon enough, a girl approached them.

"Hi," she waved.

The three exchanged a glance.

"Um," Rory blinked. "Hi? Who are you?"

The girl trotted towards them. She had brunette hair and blue eyes. "I'm Mary Sue."

The Doctor smiled pleasantly. "Mary Sue. That's a nice name. Can you tell us where we are, Mary Sue?"

"Well," Mary Sue began, "I'm not quite sure where we are. I'm a quite average girl, you see, average in every way. Nothing ever happens to me. I was just strolling around the animal shelter, where I work for free by the way, and suddenly, I was zapped here by a strange force that probably won't ever get explained until, like thirty chapters in! I think I'm supposed to meet you." She took a step towards the Doctor and gazed into his eyes.

"Huh?" Said Amy.

"Also, my friends call me OC," she added. "Not sure why."

"Oh, no," the Doctor muttered.

"What is it?" Asked Rory.

"It's worse than I thought. We've been trapped."

"What do you mean?" Amy frowned. "Where are we?"

"We're in…" The Doctor turned to the camera, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "Fanfiction-dot-net-topia."

"What?" Asked Mary Sue.

"Quick! Run! She's a poorly written protagonist!" Grabbing his companion's hands, the Doctor dashed away from the overly-and-borderline-annoyingly-perfect girl. "Let's get out of here before we reach any doctor!whump. Doctor!whump is definitely not cool."

Soon they reached what appeared to be a desert. The sand was pure white, and powder-y.

"Let's go this way," Rory suggested.

They raced across the white sand before a giant, gaping crevice formed in the ground.

"Doctor…" Amy whispered. "It's the crack from my bedroom wall!"

"No, it's not, Amy," the Doctor whispered back. "It's just an ordinary crack."

"Why are we whispering?" Whispered Rory.

"I'm not sure," whispered Dean.

"Wrong category, Dean! This is Doctor Who," whispered Sam.

"What is going _on?_" Whispered a rock.

"RUN!" Shouted the Doctor.

The trio dashed away once more, reaching the safety of the forest.

"Great," Amy glanced around. "This mean's the T.A.R.D.I.S. is nearby, yeah? I know it's somewhere around here."

"Um, Amy?" Rory nudged her. "This isn't the same forest as before. Look at the trees."

Instead of being dead and full of slash-marks, the trees were fruitful and very much alive.

"Hey, look!" Amy grinned and plucked something yellow off of a branch. "A lemon."

The Doctor paled.

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**Well, then. I haven't written crack in a long while. Surely ****_some_**** of you guys must've followed me for my crack, no? ...Anyone? No? Nobody?**

**- Impossible Oswin.**


End file.
